The obstetritian appointment wasn't so bad. I was incredibly prepared, taking most of the spare clothes out of the nappy bag and filling it with toys, snacks, water, my wallet, my pregnancy booklet thing, and even a notepad and pen for Alexis to scribble on while the Dr took notes. My preparation paid off.
I left an hour early. Alexis fell asleep on the way. The carpark was full so I did a few laps around the block before finding a park on the street. I sat there until Alexis woke. So she had at least half an hour sleep. I wrestled her into the small stroller. She didn't mind it too much. It was a long walk up hill but fortunately the weather was beautiful so I actually enjoyed it. I ordered us some sandwiches from the kiosk. They were really yummy. They were a little expensive but I don't mind because I saved money by not getting into the carpark. We shared a table with a nice guy in his mid fifties. As I was finishing lunch he told me he was not getting too attached to his grandkids for their sake because he was dying of cancer. What can you possibly say in that situation? I tried to be pleasant and happy without being patronising. I should have offered to pray for him but I didn't. I don't really have the faith to do that kind of thing. I wish I did. He said he was looking forward to the end because he'd had migranes for 40 years. Then he said, "well I'm off for a smoke". I was a cheeky girl, much cheekier than normal as I grinned, "what are they gonna do, kill ya?"
After that I looked at things a little differently for a while. We had a great time playing in the kiddy play area in the waiting room. We only had a half hour wait and the doctor I got was such a nice guy. He was coherent and intelligent and spoke English and acknowledged Alexis. Quite a breath of fresh air. We were back to the car within 2 hours of parking so no parking ticket. I think I'm going to like this place. What was I worried about? ;)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
antenatal appointments
After being woken up twice in four hours my body has decided it doesn't need any more sleep. That would be fine if those four hours weren't at the start of the night. After an hour of lying there I still can't sleep, so time to work out why. I think I am nervous about my obstetritian appointment today.
I was rather hoping that because this is my second pregnancy I wouldn't be worried about this kind of thing anymore. I'm not, at least not in the way I used to be. When I was pregnant with my daughter Alexis I used to worry about all kinds of things, as women going through first-time pregnancies do:
- what if there's something wrong with the baby?
- what if there's something wrong with me?
- what will they do to me?
- what if I'm late for work (getting a day off was virtually impossible so I used to have to do the 5pm shift on days I had appointments)
- what if I can't understand the doctor?
- what if they run really late (as public hospitals tend to do) and my husband gets in trouble for missing so much work and he has to give up and leave me there?
This time around I am not working, hubby is not coming with me, I have a fair idea what to expect with regards to the consultation ("everything ok? Yep? What your back hurts and you can't feel your legs and you are so tired and sick? And you're a hormonal wreck worried everyone hates you? Yep everything is normal"), I know the baby inside me is healthy, and apart from having some viral illness or an other for 2 months and being a hormonal mess, I know I'm doing well. So why am I worried?
I am worried:
- will I get lost on the way to the hospital?
- will I be able to get a park?
- will I remember everything?
- will they run horrendously late? (of course they will)
- will I be able to keep my daughter entertained long enough to survive the wait and the appointment?
- will I make it through the day without my nap!
- I've not long ago realised my appointment interferes with my daughters nap time, will she still sleep or will she be a nightmare?
- will I be able to wrangle a toddler, a nappy bag, my scan results, drinks and snacks, toys and or books, the pram or stroller and my big fat pregnant self?
- how do I juggle all this with going to the toilet, which I will inevitably have to do at least once, probably more.
*hour break to try to get my toddler back to sleep*
The hospital I chose this time has a play pen in the antenatal clinic waiting room. That's why I chose this hospital, so if they're running hours late at least there's somewhere for Alexis to play. The drama is when it's time to go in I will have to interupt her to stick her in the pram to go see the doctor. I can't see that going too well. My kid has tantrums down to an art. That's if the pram even fits in the room. Some of the rooms are too small so they make you leave the pram outside. So then I have to park the pram, take my valuables out and wrangle a toddler, all the while pretending to focus on the baby in my belly. I recently bought a small umbrella stroller so I can attempt to strap Alexis onto that and take it in with us. We haven't tried it yet so that makes me nervous.
Then there's the fact that if she's tired she won't play anyway, she will just sook and be grizzly. There's a chance she will fall asleep on the way. I can't see her staying asleep if I transfer her to the upright stroller but if I attempt to transfer her to the pram I then get lumped with the pram when she wakes up and wants out to play or worse if by some miracle they don't run late but the pram won't fit I'll have to wake her to carry her in. Besides that the pram is heavy and I don't want to lift it in and out of the boot if I can avoid it.
It's uncertain if she'll fall asleep on the way anyway considering she usually goes down at the time my appointment is scheduled for and I need to allow plenty of time to find a parking space. The carpark is sometimes full, so if that happens I'm up the proverbial creek with a toddler and a bump and a stroller and a "blue book" (pregnancy folder) and a Medicare card and a car key and a nappy bag and a doll and a kiddy muesli bar and a whopping great envelope with an ultrasound report...(maybe there's room for a paddle but I doubt it).
*Another break to re-settle toddler. I hope she sleeps for a few hours straight now, I'm tired ;)*.
Argh too many unknowns. I'll just go and wing it. I don't really have a choice. Why oh why don't we have private health insurance? Oh yeah we cancelled it when I refused to go back to work...*Sheepish smile*. If nothing else, today will be an adventure. My husband often accuses me of being afraid of leaving the house.(Gee, I wonder why!? Pfft.)
Is pregnancy easier the second time around? Well, I don't worry every time something feels odd this time. I don't panic with every ache and pain. I'm not scared about labour or birth or caring for a baby. So I guess in a way it is. As for the appointments though, no they don't get any less annoying. Fortunately though the professionals know they're annoying so there's less appointments second time around. At least that's something!
I was rather hoping that because this is my second pregnancy I wouldn't be worried about this kind of thing anymore. I'm not, at least not in the way I used to be. When I was pregnant with my daughter Alexis I used to worry about all kinds of things, as women going through first-time pregnancies do:
- what if there's something wrong with the baby?
- what if there's something wrong with me?
- what will they do to me?
- what if I'm late for work (getting a day off was virtually impossible so I used to have to do the 5pm shift on days I had appointments)
- what if I can't understand the doctor?
- what if they run really late (as public hospitals tend to do) and my husband gets in trouble for missing so much work and he has to give up and leave me there?
This time around I am not working, hubby is not coming with me, I have a fair idea what to expect with regards to the consultation ("everything ok? Yep? What your back hurts and you can't feel your legs and you are so tired and sick? And you're a hormonal wreck worried everyone hates you? Yep everything is normal"), I know the baby inside me is healthy, and apart from having some viral illness or an other for 2 months and being a hormonal mess, I know I'm doing well. So why am I worried?
I am worried:
- will I get lost on the way to the hospital?
- will I be able to get a park?
- will I remember everything?
- will they run horrendously late? (of course they will)
- will I be able to keep my daughter entertained long enough to survive the wait and the appointment?
- will I make it through the day without my nap!
- I've not long ago realised my appointment interferes with my daughters nap time, will she still sleep or will she be a nightmare?
- will I be able to wrangle a toddler, a nappy bag, my scan results, drinks and snacks, toys and or books, the pram or stroller and my big fat pregnant self?
- how do I juggle all this with going to the toilet, which I will inevitably have to do at least once, probably more.
*hour break to try to get my toddler back to sleep*
The hospital I chose this time has a play pen in the antenatal clinic waiting room. That's why I chose this hospital, so if they're running hours late at least there's somewhere for Alexis to play. The drama is when it's time to go in I will have to interupt her to stick her in the pram to go see the doctor. I can't see that going too well. My kid has tantrums down to an art. That's if the pram even fits in the room. Some of the rooms are too small so they make you leave the pram outside. So then I have to park the pram, take my valuables out and wrangle a toddler, all the while pretending to focus on the baby in my belly. I recently bought a small umbrella stroller so I can attempt to strap Alexis onto that and take it in with us. We haven't tried it yet so that makes me nervous.
Then there's the fact that if she's tired she won't play anyway, she will just sook and be grizzly. There's a chance she will fall asleep on the way. I can't see her staying asleep if I transfer her to the upright stroller but if I attempt to transfer her to the pram I then get lumped with the pram when she wakes up and wants out to play or worse if by some miracle they don't run late but the pram won't fit I'll have to wake her to carry her in. Besides that the pram is heavy and I don't want to lift it in and out of the boot if I can avoid it.
It's uncertain if she'll fall asleep on the way anyway considering she usually goes down at the time my appointment is scheduled for and I need to allow plenty of time to find a parking space. The carpark is sometimes full, so if that happens I'm up the proverbial creek with a toddler and a bump and a stroller and a "blue book" (pregnancy folder) and a Medicare card and a car key and a nappy bag and a doll and a kiddy muesli bar and a whopping great envelope with an ultrasound report...(maybe there's room for a paddle but I doubt it).
*Another break to re-settle toddler. I hope she sleeps for a few hours straight now, I'm tired ;)*.
Argh too many unknowns. I'll just go and wing it. I don't really have a choice. Why oh why don't we have private health insurance? Oh yeah we cancelled it when I refused to go back to work...*Sheepish smile*. If nothing else, today will be an adventure. My husband often accuses me of being afraid of leaving the house.(Gee, I wonder why!? Pfft.)
Is pregnancy easier the second time around? Well, I don't worry every time something feels odd this time. I don't panic with every ache and pain. I'm not scared about labour or birth or caring for a baby. So I guess in a way it is. As for the appointments though, no they don't get any less annoying. Fortunately though the professionals know they're annoying so there's less appointments second time around. At least that's something!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Ugly mountain
UGLY MOUNTAIN
(KG. 2001. Based on the book “The Outsiders” apparently. I don't really remember the book).
Ugly mountain go away
And all the pain that comes with you
Will I ever see the valley again
and all the joy that it brings?
Whatever I do that's good in the world
I'm faced with an ugly mountain.
The glistening diamonds became black rocks
Of cold, hard, filthy coal.
I used to ride on the horses back
but now wild, he chases me away.
When will I walk with the reins in my hand
And guide him back where it's safe?
When will the sun rise in the morn
and make me glad that it's there
While now it's blowing an enormous gale
And I'm too afraid to think
If I get good marks,
I don't have a life
But if I didn't,
They should've been better.
When will he learn that I just want to please him
But he will not make up his mind?
I don't like the mountain made by his frown,
but the valley that's caused by his smile.
Oh the relief that finally appears
When I realised what I'd done
This is the one time in my life
I'm happy to have been wrong
When I thought he didn't want me,
It turns out I was needed..
When I thought he didn't like me,
the hate turned into love.
The frightening thunder of his voice,
Was in fact a warning,
A warning not to get caught up
In all the things to come.
The ugly mountain on his face
Was only caused by worry
Worry that he might lose
Another one he loved.
On the day this dawned on me
I knew I loved him too
I noticed just how much he cared
And what I put him through.
Now the coals are back to diamonds
As this gentle giant winks.
I don't ride on the horses back,
But instead walk by his side.
(KG. 2001. Based on the book “The Outsiders” apparently. I don't really remember the book).
Ugly mountain go away
And all the pain that comes with you
Will I ever see the valley again
and all the joy that it brings?
Whatever I do that's good in the world
I'm faced with an ugly mountain.
The glistening diamonds became black rocks
Of cold, hard, filthy coal.
I used to ride on the horses back
but now wild, he chases me away.
When will I walk with the reins in my hand
And guide him back where it's safe?
When will the sun rise in the morn
and make me glad that it's there
While now it's blowing an enormous gale
And I'm too afraid to think
If I get good marks,
I don't have a life
But if I didn't,
They should've been better.
When will he learn that I just want to please him
But he will not make up his mind?
I don't like the mountain made by his frown,
but the valley that's caused by his smile.
Oh the relief that finally appears
When I realised what I'd done
This is the one time in my life
I'm happy to have been wrong
When I thought he didn't want me,
It turns out I was needed..
When I thought he didn't like me,
the hate turned into love.
The frightening thunder of his voice,
Was in fact a warning,
A warning not to get caught up
In all the things to come.
The ugly mountain on his face
Was only caused by worry
Worry that he might lose
Another one he loved.
On the day this dawned on me
I knew I loved him too
I noticed just how much he cared
And what I put him through.
Now the coals are back to diamonds
As this gentle giant winks.
I don't ride on the horses back,
But instead walk by his side.
Modern-day psalm
I found this while cleaning out some boxes of memorabilia. I wrote it sometime between 2004 and 2008 but unfortunately I can't remember when and I never dated it.
Desperate for help, she's crying
She's longing for help from you
But at the same time, she's hiding
She doesn't know what to do.
Sometimes she feels like dying,
The pain inside's so blue
But what's so mystifying,
Is her dreams are coming true.
With everything that she needs,
Why is there still a void?
With loving arms to hold her,
Why does she still get so annoyed?
Inside her blood is boiling,
The toxic river flows,
No way to predict the damage
When the bomb of anger blows.
She wants to really belong here,
“The body of Christ” so they say,
But something feels so wrong here,
Day after day after day.
Unable to feel the love,
So alone amongst the crowd,
This bitterness she cannot shove,
The rumours and whispers so loud.
What is the reason she goes there?
Is there anything left she can give?
Is there one single person who does care,
Whether she dies or she lives?
Why does she keep returning,
If there's nothing to give nor to gain?
Because deep inside she is yearning
For a way to silence the pain.
She's heard of the man called Jesus,
The Saviour, Redeemer, and Friend,
Who heals not only diseases,
But your heart and your mind too He'll mend.
In Him your sins are forgiven,
In the light of His mercy and grace
He'll give back what the devil has stolen
And restore you to your rightful place.
So fix your eyes on the good things,
The noble, the pure, and the true.
And never stop believing,
He's holding on to you.
Still sinful and hurting, she is discouraged,
So remind her to never forget.
That God will complete the good work He has started
He's just not finished yet.
Desperate for help, she's crying
She's longing for help from you
But at the same time, she's hiding
She doesn't know what to do.
Sometimes she feels like dying,
The pain inside's so blue
But what's so mystifying,
Is her dreams are coming true.
With everything that she needs,
Why is there still a void?
With loving arms to hold her,
Why does she still get so annoyed?
Inside her blood is boiling,
The toxic river flows,
No way to predict the damage
When the bomb of anger blows.
She wants to really belong here,
“The body of Christ” so they say,
But something feels so wrong here,
Day after day after day.
Unable to feel the love,
So alone amongst the crowd,
This bitterness she cannot shove,
The rumours and whispers so loud.
What is the reason she goes there?
Is there anything left she can give?
Is there one single person who does care,
Whether she dies or she lives?
Why does she keep returning,
If there's nothing to give nor to gain?
Because deep inside she is yearning
For a way to silence the pain.
She's heard of the man called Jesus,
The Saviour, Redeemer, and Friend,
Who heals not only diseases,
But your heart and your mind too He'll mend.
In Him your sins are forgiven,
In the light of His mercy and grace
He'll give back what the devil has stolen
And restore you to your rightful place.
So fix your eyes on the good things,
The noble, the pure, and the true.
And never stop believing,
He's holding on to you.
Still sinful and hurting, she is discouraged,
So remind her to never forget.
That God will complete the good work He has started
He's just not finished yet.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Can I blab yet?
I'm thirteen weeks tomorrow. My morning sickness seems to be getting worse, not stopping. Still it's not too bad this time around. For my first pregnancy I was physically sick multiple times a day for the first five months, even with anti-sickness meds. It was so bad I used to say I was never going to go through pregnancy again. Well here we are, thirteen weeks into second pregnancy and no major issues so far. Of course my husband would probably disagree, saying that constant tiredness and the emotional capacity of a teaspoon are major issues. Sure they are unpleasant but not as much as a permanent date with the porcelain throne.
Being thirteen weeks into pregnancy we have now told in person most people we have been in contact with lately. It's nice to not have to keep our little secret any more. Very soon our exciting news is going to be plastered on Facebook. Also I will be "going public" with the news on my main blog. I'm not sure yet whether I will keep this blog going or not. This blog was to give me an outlet to express the things I wanted to put on my main blog but couldn't without giving the secret away. I have grown quite fond of this little blog so I'm not going to delete it but I've done so much work on my other blog it's most likely I'll just focus on that. Still keep checking from time to time or "follow" if you like. :)
You can check out my main blog at the mother experiment.
Being thirteen weeks into pregnancy we have now told in person most people we have been in contact with lately. It's nice to not have to keep our little secret any more. Very soon our exciting news is going to be plastered on Facebook. Also I will be "going public" with the news on my main blog. I'm not sure yet whether I will keep this blog going or not. This blog was to give me an outlet to express the things I wanted to put on my main blog but couldn't without giving the secret away. I have grown quite fond of this little blog so I'm not going to delete it but I've done so much work on my other blog it's most likely I'll just focus on that. Still keep checking from time to time or "follow" if you like. :)
You can check out my main blog at the mother experiment.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
wiggly baby
I can feel my baby moving inside me already. I have for about a week or so but I second guessed myself because it is so early in the pregnancy. I am only 12 weeks, and the "experts" say you can't feel the baby til about 18 weeks. I am absolutely certain though that what I'm feeling is indeed my little cherub moving around.
I forgot how awesome this feels.
I'm having one of those golden moments at the moment. I'm feeding my daughter and she has just fallen asleep. She is snuggling up to me, her head resting gently in the crook of my arm. Her little brother or sister is moving around as if they are trying to say hello. It's precious.
My daughter slept in this morning and the baby was incredibly active inside me, as if trying to say "come on mummy wake sissy up its time to play". Baby also responds well to storytime and grooves along to the wiggles. According to the experts baby's ears don't work yet, but it certainly seems as if they do. Maybe baby picks up on my excitement? Or maybe the experts are wrong? Or maybe the experts are usually right but my baby is special just like his/her big sister, who is also quite advanced. Their daddy is pretty clever, so they just might be.
I forgot how awesome this feels.
I'm having one of those golden moments at the moment. I'm feeding my daughter and she has just fallen asleep. She is snuggling up to me, her head resting gently in the crook of my arm. Her little brother or sister is moving around as if they are trying to say hello. It's precious.
My daughter slept in this morning and the baby was incredibly active inside me, as if trying to say "come on mummy wake sissy up its time to play". Baby also responds well to storytime and grooves along to the wiggles. According to the experts baby's ears don't work yet, but it certainly seems as if they do. Maybe baby picks up on my excitement? Or maybe the experts are wrong? Or maybe the experts are usually right but my baby is special just like his/her big sister, who is also quite advanced. Their daddy is pretty clever, so they just might be.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
unexpected pain
A certain amount of pain in pregnancy is to be expected. A certain amount of pain in labour is unavoidable unless one has an elective caesarian, in which case the pain happens in recovery. We are used to the idea that carrying and delivering and raising babies is going to hurt at times.
Let me tell you about a kind of unexpected pain I experienced today. I had bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, but have been, overall, lucky this time around. Until today. Tomorrow I am officially twelve weeks. That's when morning sickness is meant to stop, apparently. Well today I was not feeling well but tried to force myself to eat anyway, as it usually works.
I thought I was familiar with pain. But I have a new theory, you don't know the meaning of pain until you have vomited a hot cup of tea and a hot cross bun and a multivitamin with such gusto that half of it comes out your nose. "It burns" just doesn't seem to cut it.
Let me tell you about a kind of unexpected pain I experienced today. I had bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, but have been, overall, lucky this time around. Until today. Tomorrow I am officially twelve weeks. That's when morning sickness is meant to stop, apparently. Well today I was not feeling well but tried to force myself to eat anyway, as it usually works.
I thought I was familiar with pain. But I have a new theory, you don't know the meaning of pain until you have vomited a hot cup of tea and a hot cross bun and a multivitamin with such gusto that half of it comes out your nose. "It burns" just doesn't seem to cut it.
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