Ugly mountain

UGLY MOUNTAIN
(KG. 2001. Based on the book “The Outsiders” apparently. I don't really remember the book).


Ugly mountain go away
And all the pain that comes with you
Will I ever see the valley again
and all the joy that it brings?
Whatever I do that's good in the world
I'm faced with an ugly mountain.
The glistening diamonds became black rocks
Of cold, hard, filthy coal.
I used to ride on the horses back
but now wild, he chases me away.
When will I walk with the reins in my hand
And guide him back where it's safe?
When will the sun rise in the morn
and make me glad that it's there
While now it's blowing an enormous gale
And I'm too afraid to think
If I get good marks,
I don't have a life
But if I didn't,
They should've been better.
When will he learn that I just want to please him
But he will not make up his mind?
I don't like the mountain made by his frown,
but the valley that's caused by his smile.

Oh the relief that finally appears
When I realised what I'd done
This is the one time in my life
I'm happy to have been wrong
When I thought he didn't want me,
It turns out I was needed..
When I thought he didn't like me,
the hate turned into love.
The frightening thunder of his voice,
Was in fact a warning,
A warning not to get caught up
In all the things to come.
The ugly mountain on his face
Was only caused by worry
Worry that he might lose
Another one he loved.
On the day this dawned on me
I knew I loved him too
I noticed just how much he cared
And what I put him through.
Now the coals are back to diamonds
As this gentle giant winks.
I don't ride on the horses back,
But instead walk by his side.

Modern-day psalm

I found this while cleaning out some boxes of memorabilia. I wrote it sometime between 2004 and 2008 but unfortunately I can't remember when and I never dated it.


Desperate for help, she's crying
She's longing for help from you
But at the same time, she's hiding
She doesn't know what to do.
Sometimes she feels like dying,
The pain inside's so blue
But what's so mystifying,
Is her dreams are coming true.
With everything that she needs,
Why is there still a void?
With loving arms to hold her,
Why does she still get so annoyed?
Inside her blood is boiling,
The toxic river flows,
No way to predict the damage
When the bomb of anger blows.

She wants to really belong here,
“The body of Christ” so they say,
But something feels so wrong here,
Day after day after day.
Unable to feel the love,
So alone amongst the crowd,
This bitterness she cannot shove,
The rumours and whispers so loud.
What is the reason she goes there?
Is there anything left she can give?
Is there one single person who does care,
Whether she dies or she lives?
Why does she keep returning,
If there's nothing to give nor to gain?
Because deep inside she is yearning
For a way to silence the pain.

She's heard of the man called Jesus,
The Saviour, Redeemer, and Friend,
Who heals not only diseases,
But your heart and your mind too He'll mend.
In Him your sins are forgiven,
In the light of His mercy and grace
He'll give back what the devil has stolen
And restore you to your rightful place.
So fix your eyes on the good things,
The noble, the pure, and the true.
And never stop believing,
He's holding on to you.
Still sinful and hurting, she is discouraged,
So remind her to never forget.
That God will complete the good work He has started
He's just not finished yet.

Can I blab yet?

I'm thirteen weeks tomorrow. My morning sickness seems to be getting worse, not stopping. Still it's not too bad this time around. For my first pregnancy I was physically sick multiple times a day for the first five months, even with anti-sickness meds. It was so bad I used to say I was never going to go through pregnancy again. Well here we are, thirteen weeks into second pregnancy and no major issues so far. Of course my husband would probably disagree, saying that constant tiredness and the emotional capacity of a teaspoon are major issues. Sure they are unpleasant but not as much as a permanent date with the porcelain throne.

Being thirteen weeks into pregnancy we have now told in person most people we have been in contact with lately. It's nice to not have to keep our little secret any more. Very soon our exciting news is going to be plastered on Facebook. Also I will be "going public" with the news on my main blog. I'm not sure yet whether I will keep this blog going or not. This blog was to give me an outlet to express the things I wanted to put on my main blog but couldn't without giving the secret away. I have grown quite fond of this little blog so I'm not going to delete it but I've done so much work on my other blog it's most likely I'll just focus on that. Still keep checking from time to time or "follow" if you like. :)

You can check out my main blog at the mother experiment.

wiggly baby

I can feel my baby moving inside me already. I have for about a week or so but I second guessed myself because it is so early in the pregnancy. I am only 12 weeks, and the "experts" say you can't feel the baby til about 18 weeks. I am absolutely certain though that what I'm feeling is indeed my little cherub moving around.

I forgot how awesome this feels.

I'm having one of those golden moments at the moment. I'm feeding my daughter and she has just fallen asleep. She is snuggling up to me, her head resting gently in the crook of my arm. Her little brother or sister is moving around as if they are trying to say hello. It's precious.

My daughter slept in this morning and the baby was incredibly active inside me, as if trying to say "come on mummy wake sissy up its time to play". Baby also responds well to storytime and grooves along to the wiggles. According to the experts baby's ears don't work yet, but it certainly seems as if they do. Maybe baby picks up on my excitement? Or maybe the experts are wrong? Or maybe the experts are usually right but my baby is special just like his/her big sister, who is also quite advanced. Their daddy is pretty clever, so they just might be.

unexpected pain

A certain amount of pain in pregnancy is to be expected. A certain amount of pain in labour is unavoidable unless one has an elective caesarian, in which case the pain happens in recovery. We are used to the idea that carrying and delivering and raising babies is going to hurt at times.

Let me tell you about a kind of unexpected pain I experienced today. I had bad morning sickness with my first pregnancy, but have been, overall, lucky this time around. Until today. Tomorrow I am officially twelve weeks. That's when morning sickness is meant to stop, apparently. Well today I was not feeling well but tried to force myself to eat anyway, as it usually works.

I thought I was familiar with pain. But I have a new theory, you don't know the meaning of pain until you have vomited a hot cup of tea and a hot cross bun and a multivitamin with such gusto that half of it comes out your nose. "It burns" just doesn't seem to cut it.

my hormonal 13 month old

I'm still breastfeeding my 13 month old, partly because she is a booby fiend, partly because trying to wean her was exhausting and frustrating. If I'm honest with myself a part of me is just not ready to stop feeding even though my doctor is telling me I have to.

One thing I did not anticipate is the change in my daughter's behaviour. She is normally fairly stable, kind, affectionate, loving, independent and adventurous. Lately she has been clingy, sooky, whingy, whiny, lethargic and ravenous. Every so often her mood changes back to her normal cheery self. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy extra cuddles with my little girl, but I wonder, is this my fault? Are my hormones passing through the breastmilk, upsetting her and making her moody. Or is it my less than stable mood she is picking up through observing my less than perfect behaviour. Or is it that my milk is drying up and she is upset about that. Perhaps all of the above.

She is teething, so maybe that's the only reason. She would be in pain coz her teeth are huge. The thing is when she is teething she wants more boob feeds. So I can't really take the boob away from her now, its her main source of comfort. Hmmm, this is tricky.

food glorious food

From Sunday lunch..

Pregnancy: making your husband stop at McDonalds on your way to sizzler, and getting away with it. I also ate a box of sultanas on the way home.